07.03.06

The Role of Fear on the Creative Path

Posted in Hero's Journey, Screenplay at 7:47 pm by Administrator

As I posted earlier I am at the 60 page mark in my screenplay.  This morning in meditation I acknowledged to myself that I am now terrified.  I wrote down the two main items I was afraid of.  First, that the screenplay is not any good.  And second, that I won’t finish it.

As I named my fears this morning I felt a release within my body.  By not saying anything previously, I had been holding tight to those beliefs.  Speaking them aloud allowed them to diminish.

What is one of the worse things a person can be?  A coward.  Especially a yellow coward.  As Americans we are taught to keep a stiff upper lip when it comes to fear.  We are taught to ignore our fear by whistling in the dark. We are also taught to be self-sufficient, to be the rugged individual who doesn’t need anyone’s help.   Is it a coincidence that the emotion of fear is typically felt in the body in the area of the solar plexus and that the color associated with our solar plexus is yellow?

As I acknowledged and listened to my fear, it told me that I would not finish my screenplay.  Well how does my fear know that?  What makes this cranky little emotion think it is an expert on what I will and will not do?  If I keep going forward step-by-step I will finish my screenplay.  All I have to do is not give up and baby step my way to completion.

It also told me that even if I did finish my screenplay it won’t be any good.  Don’t you just love the rationale of the guardian at the gate?  If it can’t get you to stop one way it tries another extreme argument.  My fear tells me it won’t be any good so why bother.  Just give up and go back to watching television.  Why even try when you know you are only going to be a failure.

Well this is a first draft.  It doesn’t have to be perfect.  Would I expect anyone else’s first draft of a screenplay to be perfect?  No.  I am not expecting Shakespearian quality.  What I hope to have when I am done is good structure, well developed characters, believable dialogue, and an interesting story.  And I believe those things are already there, at least in part.  I can rework the screenplay after I finish the first draft if I need to add more highs and lows to the story.

After examining and working with my fear this morning I finished my meditation by praying to the Goddess to help me with my screenplay.  I asked her to help it grow and develop, because I felt I was running on empty.  That I was relying too much on myself instead of being open to the Divine Source.   Afterwards I felt I had opened myself to the creative flow.

I see now that fear is part of the cycle of creation.  Fear is the inner critic, trying to keep me safe, trying to maintain the status quo.  Fear is the Tower card in the Tarot.  Walking through fear allows us to break down and destroy old beliefs, patterns, habits, and attitudes.  When I am feeling fear I am at the bottom of the cycle.  I am at the bottom of the wheel.  This means I have no where to go but up.

Earlier this morning I felt unworthy of the task I had set for myself.  But that is an old belief.  And like the lighting in the Tower card we should burn those old beliefs down.  Burn them away so that new beliefs can grow, can arise from the ashes like a phoenix.   From the ashes of destruction comes fertility.   And from the releasing of old fears comes radiant energy.

At the end of my meditation I felt again the releasing of energy from my solar plexus.  The fear had diminished. And I now instead of fear I felt a glowing inside me.  I felt a radiant light, like a yellow sun, shining out of my core.  So the shedding of fear is a process of letting go of the old.  Like a snake sheds it skin, we shed our fears, because those beliefs no longer fit in our life.  We shed our fears so that we may grow.

Many blessings on your path,
Swan

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