05.26.06

My Dream and its Meaning

Posted in Screenplay, Dreams at 7:23 pm by Administrator

I had an important dream this morning.

In my dream it is a beautiful spring day.  Three neighborhood children come to my front door to see me. The children suddenly begin to cry and point to a sign that has been nailed to the outside wall of my home.

The sign reads, “The adults at this house invite children into their home unsupervised.  We do not know what these adults are doing with these children.  We are now doing surveillance on this home.  Children are no longer permitted to enter this house.”

The children run back to their homes crying.  They are scared and sad.

The dream changes.  I am in my bedroom now.  In the lace curtains at the window I see the face of a man.  He is peering into my bedroom and taking notes.  He is my neighbor, an ex-military civilian.  He is wearing a white t-shirt and putty colored pants.  His title is something like, “Patroller of the Peace.”

I try to verbally connect with him, to show him that I am a good person, that we share things in common.  I tell him, “We are for Peace too.”  My SO tells me to be quiet.  He is worried that the things I say will be used against us.

Now it is night and I hear the mewling of kittens.  They are hiding in the drapes of the long curtains.  Some are big and healthy and strong.  But one is so small; it can barely lift its little head.  It is hairless and smooth like a grey-green lizard.  I pick it up.  Its skin is cool to touch.  I am worried that it won’t survive.  But it moves and tries to suck on my finger.  It is hungry.  I hold its little body in my hands so that I can give it my warmth.  I look around trying to figure out how I can feed it.

My dream ends there.

A little later that morning in my daily meditation session, I worked with the symbols of my dream.

Before I go into what I believe is the meaning of my dream, let me explain that dreams are a way for our subconscious and our higher self to speak to us.  The subconscious does not speak in words but in pictures and symbols.  So in my dream a weak little kitten is not a kitten.  The kitten stands for something that I love that needs me to nurture it and help it to grow strong and flourish.

That being said I believe this dream is about my screenplay.  The vulnerable little kitten represents my infant screenplay, my newly born brainchild which needs me to protect it and nurture it so it will grow healthy and strong.  The children in my dream represent my inner child or children in this case.  This is the Divine Child within.  These children represent me connecting with a multifaceted Divine Force.

They have come to play with me.  But my inner critic, the “Patroller of the Peace” has created a barrier to keep them out of my house.  Houses or buildings have traditionally stood as a symbol for the Ego in dreams.  My inner critic wants to keep the “Peace” by keeping the Divine Children (messengers from the Divine Force) away from my Ego.

So this is a dream about spiritual transformation.  The death of the Ego is essential for spiritual transformation.  But death can be a painful experience.  It turns our world upside down.  The death of the Ego tears away the defensive structures that protect our personalities.  Once the defensives have been removed we can be reborn.  We can become an innocent Child again.  And like a phoenix we rise from the ashes with a more fully integrated connection with the Divine.  But while the process of transformation may not be peaceful the end result is the creation of a deep and profound inner peace.

Through the deep spiritual work I have been doing I have uncovered that I am a writer, and that writing is my soul work.  This information could be upsetting to my Ego which does not want me to upset the apple cart of my present life.  Currently I can work as a librarian and also write at night, but that might change.

The Critic in my dream, the Patroller of the Peace, is not a bad guy.  I can tell that because he is dressed all in white.  He is trying to keep the Peace and to keep the children safe.  But as I learn later in my dream, the Critic is not needed at this time.  It is up to me to take care of the kitten child.  I must feed it, nurture it, and keep it safe.

So my infant screenplay is inviting me to play with it.  It is asking me to keep it away from the Critic, both internal and external.  For criticism, even helpful criticism will “kill” this vulnerable child.  When it is stronger. When the script has taken form and shape, it will be time to show it to the world.

So there you have it, my dream and its meaning.  It always amazes me the incredible forces available to assist us on our journey.  All we have to do is be open to our Guides.  We can find our Guides anywhere but they often come to us in our dreams.

For the next week I am off to visit my folks.  I don’t know if I will have a chance to post anything while I am gone.  But I will try.

That being said I want you to know I am moving forward with my screenplay project.  My screenplay software, Write Brothers Movie Magic is winging its way to me through the postal service.  I should have the software in hand when I get back from my trip.

Also I completed the 9-Minute Movie exercise for my screenplay.  I have outlined my story on nine 3×5″ index cards.  The cards cover the action that will appear on pages 1, 3, 10, 30, 45, 60, 75, 90 and 120.  This will be my road may when I begin to write. 

I got this exercise from Viki King’s How to Write a Movie in 21 Days: The Inner Movie Method.  I am also finishing up reading The Writer’s Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers by Christopher Volger.

A journey of a thousand miles starts with baby steps as does a screenplay.

Peace,
Swan

05.25.06

Trusting the Divine Force

Posted in Musings... at 6:50 pm by Administrator

During my daily meditation session yesterday I came to the realization that I am blessed no matter what happens with the job.  I have put my trust in the Divine Mother.  If it is time for me to go she will open the door.  It I am supposed to stay I have a blessed life to live here.  What a weight has been lifted.  What will be will be.  My job is to appreciate the blessings that have come my way. 

Namaste,
Swan

05.24.06

Obsession: Another Signpost on the Hero’s Journey

Posted in Hero's Journey, Screenplay at 8:49 pm by Administrator

I apologize for not posting anything for awhile.  I have been wrapped up in preparing for and going on a job interview.  I won’t know if I got the job for at least a month.  And I am not sure if I want it.  Maybe I will write more on this at a later date. 

One thing I did learn while I was off interviewing is that I have driving need to write a screenplay.  This is not a new idea for me.  It is an idea that keeps popping into my consciousness, usually during my morning meditations.  But going on this interview made me evaluate what my Heart desires.

The whole wanting to write a screenplay started with my becoming obsessed with the movie, “V for Vendetta.”  The first time I watched this film, I left that movie with tears streaming down my face.  I have since seen it six more times.  I even tried to go see it again last week but it was no longer showing in my area.

As I have traveled on my personal Hero’s Journey I have come to realize that when I become obsessed with something, like a movie or an actor, my subconscious is talking to me.  So when I found myself obsessing over the movie “V for Vendetta” I knew that something was going on below the surface.

I have to confess I have an embarrassing history of becoming obsessed with movies or television shows that feature actors with English accents.  Here is a short list of my obsessions: Peter O’Toole in Lawrence of Arabia, Peter Donat in the 1972 version of Cyrano de Begerac, Alan Rickman in all of his movies, Anthony Head in VR5, and of course James Marsters playing the character of Spike in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series.

About two years ago I became obsessed with the actor Alan Rickman.  After much soul searching I discovered that the obsession I had with Rickman represented something more.  The actor symbolized for me abilities and skills that I wanted to embody, that I wanted to claim as my own.  

Again after much soul searching, I decided to honor this subconscious drive and enrolled in a month long acting course at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art in London.  Why RADA?  Because that is where Alan Rickman studied acting, of course.

What happened during my month of study at RADA is a story for another time, but I do not believe it was coincidence that my studies lead me to RADA, Glastonbury, the Goddess Conference, Starhawk, and Kathy Jones.

So now here I am obsessing over the movie “V for Vendetta” and especially over the character of V played by Hugo Weaving.  I was mesmerized by V’s voice and the character’s use of language.  And though he wore a mask throughout the whole movie, V’s body language was so expressive and exquisite that it spoke volumes.  These characteristics were created first through the work of the writer and then refined upon by the work of the director and the actor.

I found myself going to see the movie over and over again so that I could deconstruct the film.  I went to watch “V for Vendetta” just to record all of the different symbols and themes that appeared throughout it.  I went to watch it to follow the color red through the movie, to observe how time is used, to study and compare the colors worn in Evey’s and V’s costumes, to see how many “mirrors” (both literal and figurative) there were in the movie, to follow the emotional through line of the character V throughout the movie, and to figure out what was the symbolic meaning of the standing domino.

As I studied the film I realized I was engaging in the type of detailed work I would have done as a director becoming familiar with a play or as an actor preparing for a role.  I wanted to know what made this film “tick”.  I wanted to get inside of the movie and inside the heads of the characters.  I wanted to understand the subtext of film because this movie spoke to me at such a deep symbolic level.  I thought if I could understand this movie than I would understand myself.

On the surface it appears to be the story about a man who is either a terrorist or a freedom fighter or maybe he is both.  But if you read the movie symbolically there is much more going on.  On a symbolic level this is story about the power of hate and the power of love.  And more importantly it is the story about spiritual initiation and transformation.

During the course of the movie, the character of Evey shares some wisdom her father has passed on to her, that “artists use lies to tell the truth.”  Like the character of V,  Wachowski Brothers use the fiction of this film to convey a deeper message, that love is stronger than hate, and that one must die to be reborn.

Over twenty years ago I went to college and studied to be a theater director.  As a young idealistic woman I wanted to use my art to change the world.  My most important work as young director was staging a play adaptation of the novel “1984″ in the year 1985.  I thought my production would influence people to wake up and take political action against the atrocities of the Reagan administration.  But that did not happen. 

When I realized that theater was not going to change the world I gave up my artistic dreams and set off to follow a practical path.  I turned my back on being an artist because I feared being penniless and out-of-work.  Instead I chose the path of safety and went back to school to become a librarian.

Now twenty years later I find myself moved to tears by film that is speaking deep truths.  Is this a coincidence?  To quote V, “there are no coincidences.” 

In my daily meditations I realized that I want to speak in a voice that is as eloquent and as inspirational as the character of V.  That I want to speak truth through art.  And like V and Evey I want to live by the courage of my convictions.  

So the spiral path has lead me back to where I began over twenty years ago, the path of the artist.  But this time instead of following the director’s path I am embracing the writer’s journey.  I know I can write a screenplay if I just keep at it.  I now have a track record as a writer.  As I mentioned in my previous post, in 2005 I wrote a 50,000 word novel in a month. If I can do that I can write a screenplay. 

So I invite you to follow me on this new endeavor.  As I begin to write I will keep you posted on my creative process.  Currently I am taking notes and writing the back stories for my main characters. 

Best wishes to you all.  May you too discover your Heart’s Desire.

Swan

 

 

 

 

 

05.11.06

Caught in a Spell

Posted in Hero's Journey at 8:19 pm by Administrator

I am going to return this discussion back to the Hero’s Journey.  Specifically I want to examine one reason why so many people are unable to move forward on their personal journey and how they can become unstuck. 

As you travel on your Sacred Path you will meet both supportive and hindering forces. One of the most influential and controlling forces you will meet is the Spellcaster.  In case you were wondering, the Spellcaster is alive and well in our modern day society.  And the surprising thing is that almost everyone invites this powerful force willing into their home.  I am of course talking about the addictive spell cast by the Television.

According to information compiled by the TV-Free America organization, in the United States 99 percent of households possess at least one television.  In an average American home on an average day the TV is on 6 hours and 47 minutes.  By the time a person is 65 years old they will have spent 9 years of their life watching television.

TV-Free America goes on to state that “(m)illions of Americans are so hooked on television that they fit the criteria for substance abuse as defined in the official psychiatric manual, according to Rutgers University psychologist and TV-Free America board member Robert Kubey. Heavy TV viewers exhibit five dependency symptoms–two more than necessary to arrive at a clinical diagnosis of substance abuse. These include: 1) using TV as a sedative; 2) indiscriminate viewing; 3) feeling loss of control while viewing; 4) feeling angry with oneself for watching too much; 5) inability to stop watching; and 6) feeling miserable when kept from watching.” 

So you do the math.  Five days a week a person spends 8 hours sleeping and 8 to 9 hours at work if they work full time.  Then it takes 1 to 2 hours in the morning to get ready and get to work.  Another hour to get home from work.  Then another hour for eating dinner and washing up.  And we haven’t even added in things like keeping the house clean, doing laundry, mowing the lawn, etc.  So that is 19 to 22 hours of each work day spent on just sleeping, eating, and working.  If you add watching each day 2 to 5 hours of television into the equation the average work week is totally used up.

How can you uncover your Authentic Self if you spend the precious little amount of free time you have each day staring vacantly at a flickering screen?  The answer is you can’t.

I quit watching TV in 2000 when we moved to a new home that did not get good reception.  Instead of signing up for cable my SO and I decided to just stop watching television.  By doing so we unplugged ourselves from the mind numbing control of this seductive Spellcaster.  (We still occasionally watch DVDs and videos but we get to decide what we want to watch and when instead of mindlessly flipping through channels.)

By giving up television I have regained time and more importantly I have regained control of my life.  Instead of spending hours in front of the TV I now have time to work on creative projects.  For example in 2005 during the month of July instead of watching television I wrote a 50,000-word novel.  I could never have done that if I hadn’t unplugged.

So how can you break the TV watching habit?  If you live alone or with a like minded person I recommend you go cold turkey.  Just do it.  If that is not possible, then select a day or two that you won’t turn on the TV.  Another thing you can do is be very selective and chose to only watch a program as oppose to watching an hour or two of indiscriminate television.

It may be difficult at first, remember television is an addictive drug, so you may go through feelings of withdrawal.  But if you can stick it out the reward is having time to live your life instead watching the world go by on a flickering screen.

Blessings,
Swan          

   

05.09.06

Blogging and the Ego

Posted in Musings... at 9:55 pm by Administrator

Many thanks to all of you who have visited my blog.  I especially appreciate the feedback I received to provide more specific information in my posts. 

Up until presently, I had been steering away from being too specific in my postings because I didn’t know if people would be interested in hearing about my daily life.  And even more importantly I realized I would have to open myself to public scrutiny if I started to write about myself in a more transparent manner.  This was an “Aha” moment for me.  Even though I felt I was being open in these postings I found I was hiding behind a facade of how I thought I should present myself as the writer of this website.  The ego is a very tricky companion.  Just when you think you have your ego under control that is when you will find that you have been fooling yourself.

So here is to being foolish and to being wise.  May we never take ourselves too seriously and believe our own hype.

Blessings to you,
Swan

05.07.06

Refusing the Call

Posted in Hero's Journey at 10:26 pm by Administrator

In my previous posting I discussed the challenges that face the seeker when she answers the Call of Spirit.  But what happens if you refuse the Call?

If you are refusing the Call to connect with your Authentic Self, then I am sure you have a good excuse or maybe even excuses.  Here are some of the more common reasons people use to keep from fully living their life.  It is too difficult.  Too costly.  Too time consuming.  Too foolish.

Or maybe you are hearing a conflicting siren call.  You know the one that says you need to be practical.  To not rock the boat.  Better to be safe than sorry.  This voice tells you it is your friend, but it is really a seductive temptress to keep you from setting off and fulfilling your true destiny. 

The mundane world does not want you to know that refusing the Call can be dangerous.  Author and medical intuitive Caroline Myss informs us, to persistently resist the Call can lead to a sickening of the body, mind and/or soul. People can and do die from a broken spirit.  Henry David Thoreau tells us that, “the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.  What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.”

In the movie the Matrix, the protagonist Neo is giving the choice of taking the blue pill or the red pill by the mysterious character Morpheus.  It is no coincidence that Morpheus takes his name from the Greek god of sleep and dreams.  Neo is faced with two choices.  He can choose to stay asleep or he can choose to follow his dream to discover what is missing in his life.  It is the choice we all face every day, every minute, every second of our lives.

Which pill will you choose the blue or the red?  The blue pill is the pill of sleep-walking, of living a life of quiet desperation.  The red pill is the pill that will lead to Truth and Adventure.  Is it safe to take the red pill?  No.  But it is even more dangerous not to take it.

Namaste,
Swan

05.02.06

Answering the Call

Posted in Hero's Journey at 9:47 pm by Administrator

In the mythic structure of the hero’s journey, as described by Joseph Campbell, the hero at the start of a story receives a Call to Adventure. The Call is the catalyst that gets the story rolling.  What happens next depends upon the hero.  Either the hero can answer the Call or she can refuse it.

You are the Hero of your own life.  Are you ready to answer the Call to find your True Self and live an Authentic Life?  If you are reading my blog, then you probably are ready to take that next step.

If you have not been able to begin your journey then mostly likely the thing that is holding you back is Fear. Facing our fear is the first test of the Hero.  Fear is the dark forest of our soul.  It is where we have to venture alone to find our True Self.  The fear we face is the fear of the Unknown, and especially our Unknown Self.  I think what we are afraid of is that we may not like the Self we find when we get there. 

Over my desk hangs an index card that reads, “The path of fear is the path of courage.”  Courage is not a lack of fear, but rather courage is facing the fear and moving through it. 

To answer your Call you must acknowledge the Fear and then let it go.  Like a well know advertisement tells us, “Just Do It.”  Take that first step and thank your Fear for being a sign post on your journey.  When you feel fear you are being shown that you have broken through to new ground.  The old you is being left behind one step at a time.

Blessings on your path,
Swan   

 

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